June 25, 2014

Dear Friends,

I am writing to let you know about the devastating news that Andy and I received yesterday regarding our sweet baby.

I had been having some cramping over a few days, and I called the nurse for some reassurance. She reassured me that everything was probably fine, noting that if anything, it was likely just a small infection. She suggested that I come in to be evaluated by the doctor. A friend of mine was gracious enough to come with me.

Once we arrived, the doctor let me hear the baby’s heartbeat, and it was strong. It was better than strong; it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. She assured me all was good. As I was getting ready to leave, I asked the doctor if my Panorama blood test (genetic testing) results had come back. She went to check and then came back to my room. She looked at me and told me that I was not going to like what she had to tell me, and I needed to get my friend and call my husband. My heart sank. I could barely breathe, and talking to anyone was impossible.

She then went on to tell me that the Panorama test had a 99% accuracy rate and that it indicated that our baby had a greater than 99% chance of having Trisomy 13, a lethal chromosomal defect. What? What? I could not even believe my ears! She then told me that she had already called a perinatal doctor and that she would see me right away. She personally walked my friend and me to the new doctor’s office. Andy immediately left work and was there by my side holding my hand within minutes. Our hearts were absolutely broken.

How can this be? I have prayed and prayed and waited 37 years to be a biological mother. I have taken my vitamins, eaten right, and done everything possible to give this baby the BEST chance at life. Why me? Why us? Haven’t we been through enough? These were the questions that were running through our minds at the moment and still are.

The perinatal doctor performed a Nuchal Translucency ultrasound (the second genetic test that goes along with the Panorama test that we were originally scheduled to receive on Thursday, but it had been pushed up to today because of the tests results). They were trying to confirm the blood tests by trying to find any visible abnormalities on the baby. However, they were unable to find a single one. According to the doctor, our 12 week 1 day old baby looked perfect! She said that if she did not have the blood tests in her hand, that she would say the baby was completely normal. She cautioned us that it was still early and that the baby was still small, so that the abnormalities might not yet be visible. She said that the blood test and the scan, while very accurate, were only scans and that the only way to be 100% sure was by having either a CVS (this Friday), or waiting to have an amniocentesis between 16 and 20 weeks. However, both of these tests are invasive procedures and carry a small risk of miscarriage. She also suggested that Andy and I receive genetic counseling and go forward with the more diagnostic tests (CVS or Amnio) so that we could at the very least prepare our hearts.

At this point, Andy and I have not decided if we will do them or not because of the risk that they carry. We believe that God is the giver of life, and fully affirm the sanctity of life. The doctor says that there is absolutely nothing they can do to help the baby if he/she has Trisomy 13, and the outlook does not look good. Many babies affected with this chromosomal abnormality don’t even make it the full 9 months, and the ones that do are often stillborn. Those babies born alive usually have so many abnormalities they do not make it past the first year of life, so the doctors only provide comfort care.

The plan for now is that they will perform an ultrasound every 4 weeks until the end of the pregnancy to look for any visible genetic abnormalities. Andy and I pray that they will find none, that our beautiful baby will be born perfectly healthy, and that I will be able to carry the baby to full term. We ask that you please pray for this as well and that you ask any of your believing friends to do the same. We want to flood God with our prayers.

In the meantime, I choose to believe that there is a chance— albeit only 1%—that the tests are wrong. But, that is still a chance, and we will go on to celebrate every minute of every day that our baby is with us. I have been blessed with a wonderful family, friends, 5 beautiful step-children, and a godly husband. And, I have been able to be a biological mom for 12 weeks and 2 days now. I am ready to be done with the tears and the heartache and celebrate every minute I get to carry this gift from God. I want to honor God, and I want this baby to be viewed as a person—a person with a chance at life. Andy and I are not naïve. We are fully aware of the potential difficult road ahead. Yet we are NOT giving up on this baby and we hope you will not either. We want everyone to celebrate the milestones we will reach just like any other “normal” pregnancy. We believe the baby can feel stress, and I want this baby to have a stress-free and happy, loving environment for as long God ordains.

So, to answer my previous questions… I don’t know why this is happening to Andy and me, but I feel blessed that God chose us to be this baby’s parents. And, I know He has plans for this baby, and those plans are for good.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” We know that God has a purpose for every life He creates, and we know that He is good—all the time.

We also know that it is GOD, who is knitting this baby together, just as the psalmist said in Psalms 139:13-17: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”

Thank you for supporting us, and for praying and believing with us.

Love,
Jennifer